72 on 79
I hate magazine articles that promise to explore your psyche with 20 multiple choice questions, and provide insights into the deepest corners of your mind and soul in eight minutes flat. What if they’re right? What if that’s all it takes to decode my mysteries?
These days there are as many magazines for Dog Owners as there are for nubile teenagers, or bug eyed Sudoku maniacs. And they promise to unlock the secrets of your dog for you.
How smart is your dog?’ 79 breeds of dog were rated for their IQ in New York Dog. And quelle horreur, Shit Tzus clocked in at Number 72.
It’s like being told that your child will score in the bottom 50th percentile in the SATs and will never go to the Ivy League. How can this be? Where did we go wrong? How could we have failed so badly? Surely there is something wrong with the study. Can’t we demand a recount?
Sometimes you can deflect bad news with humor. For a while we took to calling Yoda Mr 72. Not a good idea. He was smart enough to know that he was being mocked.
How do you measure a dog’s IQ? When we looked at all the top breeds, we could see that Yoda could never match up.
He can never round up sheep.
He can never trudge through the Alps bearing cognac in a keg.
He can never jump through hoops, let alone hoops that have been set on fire.
He can never trail a suspect, detect drugs, find buried bones or treasure, or ride on a fire truck.
He can never swim across a river, or even a bathtub.
He can’t even fetch my slippers or a newspaper. Some Sunday papers weigh more than he does.
Yoda has a whole different raison d’etre. He is the George Clooney of the canine world. He looks good. He’s well dressed. He has a wicked gleam in his eyes. He loves women and they love him back. Even men like him. He is loaded with charm, and has a delicious sense of humor. He’s smart, but wears it lightly. He spreads joy and goodwill, just by being.
72 on 79 hah! No SATs for Yoda. He’s already the Big Man on Campus.
Oct 29, 2008 | | Book