Three Black Spots

Doggles

I love reading about the British Raj. The Brits conquered and ruled India, but India also managed a reverse conquest of a sort. It captured the English language, and set it free. It’s not just the infusion of curry into English. It’s also the words that came into being, in the day to day process of ruling an Empire.

I have always used the word Posh and it was in my late thirties that I discovered what it really meant. Port Outward, Starboard Home. Pick a cabin on the left when you sailed East, and one on the right when you sailed west. It’s the only way to avoid the blazing sun in the morning hours, heating up your cabin. If you were traveling POSH, you were either up on the totem pole, or had made your reservations well in advance.

Our travel agent looked at me like I had lost my mind, when I said that henceforth we would only travel POSH. From Bombay, flying west, we wanted seats on the far right, and flying back we wanted them on the far left. She made the mistake of asking why, and I made the mistake of telling her. With a ‘whatever floats your boat’ attitude, she made her notes and we got our seats.

I explained this to an attendant on British Airways, and he very painstakingly told me that I could lower the ‘little window, sir’ and block the sun out altogether. He was speaking very slowly trying to use words of one syllable. He had no sense of the history of his forebears. I was just another passenger with a bee in his bonnet.

Yoda loves the sun. He lives mostly in air conditioning, but he will always seek out the one spot in the room where the sun is shining. No POSH for him, at least not when the air is on. We wondered about this? Was he trying to get a tan? Did he feel cold in the air conditioning? Wasn’t his lush coat of hair enough to keep him warm? We are talking India here, where the weather is mostly hot, or wet.

As dogs get older, and Yoda is now 14, you get concerned about the same health issues as adults- Bones, heart, kidneys, and especially eyes. He had begun to blink a lot in the sunlight, and his eyes were watery, even a little cloudy. We took him to a swank new Animal Hospital on the West Side, and Dr Welzer put his eyes through their paces.

Yoda sat patiently as she shined lights in, and took measurements with some kind of meter. I think all doctors are greatly relieved with an animal that offers no resistance, and actually licks their hand as they are doing investigating. Patients too need to have a good bedside manner.

‘He’s doing fine, for someone his age’. I had just heard these words from my own doctor, before she whipped out her pad and wrote me four prescriptions. So, I waited for the other shoe to drop. Mercifully there was none. She gave us some drops for his eyes, and then stepped back and looked at Yoda.

‘I think you should get him some glasses’. I had visions of us traipsing off to the nearest Lenscrafters and having Yoda fitted out with the latest in Armani Occhiale. Nothing but the best for this dog. She whipped out a pair of motor cycle goggles with an elastic headband, and put them on Yodie. Mina and I were very careful not to laugh, or even snicker. He is very sensitive to being mocked.

‘You can get them anywhere on the Internet. They’re called Doggles’. I was consumed with envy. When I was eight years old, and my doctor told me that I needed glasses, I was in shock. I did not want to join the ‘four eyes’ brigade, and get taunted mercilessly at school. So, I decided that the only way to be cool was to get one of these goggles. My father was not amused when I told him. I got thwacked on the head for my pains, and was frog marched to the opticians to get fitted out in the least expensive tortoise shell frames they could find.

Now, 48 years later, our dog was about to get his Doggles. If you want something hard enough, and pray for it long enough, someone else will get it. We went on the net, and were swamped by the range of choice. They were all the same basic design, but enough style variations to satisfy the most exacting dog lover.

Too Dame Edna. Too pink. Too fussy. Finally we had it. A sleek, minimalist set of Doggles with blue lenses.

Yoda is now all set for the Riviera. We’re still flying POSH, but we have learned not to explain why.