Three Black Spots

Only in New York

Cindy Adams closes each of her columns with a juicy tid-bit and the words ‘ Only in New York, only in New York’. Once in a way she tosses in the word kiddo just to spice things up. But she doesn’t need to. We all get it.

Yoda often inspires an OINY reaction. We were once making domestic small chat with some good folks at Dayton, Ohio and I told them how hard it was to find good babysitters. They nodded their heads in agreement and then did a double take. We are obviously well past the age where we could have young children of our own, and so they looked at me with the big question. Why would we need a babysitter? I gestured at Yoda, and I knew I had made a big mistake. I had just confirmed what they knew all along about NY.

Mina usually travels with a huge stash of bows for Yoda, even if it is for a small trip. She likes to feel that she has options. We had just come back from Cleveland, and Mina was in a panic. She had left Yoda’s bow bag behind at the hotel. Frantic calls were made, and we got the concierge on full alert only after Mina explained how much the bows had cost. He managed to rescue the bag, and was astounded when Mina asked for it to be FedExed back. She said she would pay for overnight shipping. I can easily see him going back home, taking off his shoes, settling into the couch, and telling his family ‘ You’ll never guess what happened today’.

Once in a way, we get the same reaction from New Yorkers, who surely should know better.

Yoda was making a slow recovery from his bout with tick disease, and he was feeling cold. Our apartment wavered between freezing and boiling, since the air controls were not sensitive to nuances in between the two extremes. Even the building engineers had taken to coming up, working at the controls for an hour, and then shaking their head and asking ‘Did you guys do anything to this?’

So, I was sent out on a mission to buy Yoda a blanket. Mina always gives clear instructions. ‘Go to Baby Gap, and ask for their baby blankets. Pick a nice neutral color’. She was used to my returning with objects that looked like the rainbow coalition, and so this warning was definitely in order.

I have a definite policy when I go into stores. Find the nearest assistant, spell out what I want, and let them weave their magic. In a few minutes I am off, package in hand, mission accomplished. I will do this for just about any purchase except socks. There I need to browse, lovingly examine nylon/cotton ratios, and do cost- benefit analyses between the monochromatic three packs, and the single pairs. Go figure!

‘I’m looking for a baby blanket’. ‘How wonderful. Congratulations’. I did not have the courage to correct her. I wanted her on my side, till I left the store. ‘ Thank you’. She was well trained and went into her routine ‘ Would you like to look at wool, or cotton’. I had a moment of pure panic. Mina had omitted to give me fabric instructions. I decided to be a devil, and wing it. I could always return it, couldn’t I?

‘Cotton please’. ‘ All the baby blankets are here. Do you have any color in mind? We have four colors this season – pink, blue, red and white’. Pink was a no-no, the blue looked a little anemic and red looked too virulent. I was in blanket stylist mode, and tried to visualise his white, blonde, and brown coloring against the different colors. I should have brought a picture, or at least a swatch of hair.

You can never go wrong with white. So, with a bold flourish, and confident that Mina could not accuse me of color blindness, or poor taste, I made my color pick. Next came the question of pattern. Gap had two varieties out that year. One was knitted like a sweater, the kind of blanket my mother had made for Ayesha when she was born. The other was plain, but felt more silky. I decided to pay homage to the mater and picked the knit version.

Now, we were all set, and it was time to pay and move on. The Gap training manual obviously suggests some polite chatter as we move to the cash register. We spoke about the weather. We spoke about the holiday season crowds that were building up in Manhattan. As I reached for my credit card, she asked how who the blanket was for.

The jig was up. The truth would have to out. ‘It’s actually for our dog’. The training kicked in. Without missing a beat she asked ‘ Girl dog or boy?’. ‘Boy’. ‘I’m sure he’ll love it. Have a nice day’.

As I left I turned around, and saw her shaking her head. I could see the thought bubble floating like a halo above her ‘ Only in New York, Only in New York’.