Three Black Spots

Sibling Rivalry

When Ayesha was born, we were ruled by the firm commonsense of Dr Spock. A clear mind, a warm heart, and a steady hand were all that were needed to bring up healthy children. Love them, they’ll love you back, and all will be well with the world.

My how the world has changed. When Ayesha had her second baby – a lovely daughter called Ava, the big issue was sibling rivalry. How would Kieran – her 3 year old son react? How to make sure that he would not feel supplanted in everyone’s affections. Hugs and kisses alone would not do the job. Telling him that he now had a little baby sister to look after would not be adequate. Something more had to be done.

The solution could only have been devised by Toys R Us, or Fischer Price. All the books, web sites, and mother clusters had the same wisdom to offer. Every visitor would come to see the new baby bearing gifts. So, Ayesha had to stock up on gifts for Kieran, and hide them away in the kitchen. Every time that Ava got a gift, Kieran got one too. We were all enlisted in the conspiracy, and Kieran made out like a bandit.

When we got Yoda, Ayesha was 22 years old, a senior in college and about to graduate. She had been used to a sibling free, sharing free life, with the attendant pleasures and pains of flying solo as our only child.

The first sign of trouble post-Yoda was a conversation which ended with the words ‘ Just remember, he’s only a dog’. I have completely forgotten the context, but we were probably sharing our baby-sitter or dog bow angst. And if truth be told, we do have a way of going on about such things.

We come at Yoda from different ends of the telescope. For us, he is another child. For Ayesha he is a beloved pet. She is fond of him, but she has a husband, two children and a cat of her own. Her life is about bigger things.

‘That rat dog is not going to mess up my house. I don’t want Kieran playing with his poop’. And so Yoda was banished to Ayesha’s kitchen when we went to visit, and Jayanand sat with him to keep him company. Archy would also sidle up to Yoda, and the three of them probably had more fun than us.

More recently Ayesha found a creative solution to keep her home free of Yoda’s leavings. She got the most humungous child gates, so Yoda is corralled in her new big kitchen, and cannot roam the house at will. We all sit around the dining table sharing the space with him, so he wont feel alone or left out.

Even when his movements are being curtailed, he is still calling the shots. If Yoda were ever sent to prison, he would soon have a plasma TV and his own mini bar, and be running a numbers racket from his cell. Aryan nation watch out, Yoda is here.

Yoda plays his part as ‘uncle’ with great gusto. The first time Kieran came to our home, Yoda stood guard at the foot of his bed. He put on the stern face of the Beefeaters outside Buckingham Palace, and would not crack a smile or budge. If we put him in a red coat and a big furry hat, people would have lined up to get their picture taken with him. He only broke position when Kieran went to sleep, and then it was just to get a drink of water and bound right back. He does the same with Ava. I am sure that he will fulfil his avuncular duty and take them to Friday night movies when they are older.

All is well now, and Ayesha has settled down into a resigned acceptance of Yoda’s role in our lives. Should we have played it differently? Should we have bought Ayesha a squeaky toy or a stuffed animal every time Yoda got one? Should we have got her bagsful of Cheerios when Yoda got his kibble? Should both have been given matching Burberrys?

A parent’s life is full of these ‘what ifs’.