Three Black Spots

The dog also rises

On the last day of February each year, the Indian Finance Minister stands up in Parliament and presents the Annual Budget for the next financial year. It usually has three parts. The first is a self congratulatory look at the past, to demonstrate how well the economy has done, and what wonderful stewards the Ruling Party have been of the common weal. The second is the presentation of the grand macro economic vision, and the third the actual taxation proposals.

This year, the Finance Minister took time out in his speech to announce benefits to those who love dogs and cats. He reduced the duties on pet food from 30% to 20%. He expected to get a thumping ovation ( our MPs thump their desks). Instead he was drowned by a chorus of boos and cat calls from the opposition who said the hell with dogs, what do you plan to do for the common man? This are normal Parliamentary debating tactics, and not to be taken seriously.

The Speaker of the House chastised the unruly Members and asked if they did not like dogs. The ‘when did you last beat your wife’ moment passed, and the Minister went on to a technical discussion of his VAT proposals. The next morning the newspapers were full of derision about the ‘kutta-billi’ ka budget. The budget for cats and dogs, but it loses something in the translation. I suspect that the Minister will find other ways to play to the galleries in the future.

They say that any country that has a McDonald’s will never go to war. Once the populace has got hooked on Big Macs, or Maharaja Macs as we call them in India, their martial instincts get dulled. There is too much at stake in the status quo, too many Mac-fries-shakes to be consumed.

Its time to expand this concept. Any country that takes its pets seriously will never go to war. Who will feed the cat? Who will take the dog for a walk? What will we do if the groomers all take to the hills? Heaven forbid that Kitty Litter supplies dry up. If the vet gets sent to the front lines, who will clip my dog’s nails? These will be the primary questions on people’s minds, as they contemplate War and Peace.

India’s pet moment has arrived. We have always loved our pets, and cared for them, but today we have pet stores to help us do our jobs better. The chattering classes now have existential debates on the relative virtues of Pedigree and Royal Canin. Frontline and Heartguard trip lightly off people’s tongues. Shampoos and supplements, collars and coats, obedience training and posturepedic doggy beds – these weighty matters pre-occupy us.

We now have Doggy Magazines, grooming salons, dog walkers, and dog runs. I knew that we had arrived when the plastic bag to pick up the dog’s poop became a de riguer part of the pet owner’s kit. I knew that we had arrived when a neighbor of ours breathlessly told us in the elevator that her dogs had won ribbons at the Kennel Club show. ‘ They even beat the Chief Minister’s dog’ was her triumphant cry.

The dog as accessory is beginning to happen, and one day we will have our own home grown Paris Hilton. The status symbol is to have an ‘imported breed’. Pedigree certificates are being framed, for display over the mantelpiece.

There’s no doubt that Yoda was a pioneer in this revolution. I am sure he looks at all this activity around him, and has a ‘been there, done that’ point of view. For over 12 years, he has been leading the way, and winning people over to his ideology, one person at a time, one tail wag, one lick at a time. In the last 12 years India has not been to war – I rest my case. Over the next year, I will do my best to get him an audience with the Finance Minister. I am sure that in ten minutes, he will persuade him to cut Income Taxes by half, and announce a grand retirement plan for every pet owner in India. Shih Tzu owners will also get a red Ferrari.

Stay tuned to the Budget next year, and when the Minister makes his announcements, just remember, you heard it here first.