I’ve been told that every book needs to have an arc. A beginning, a middle and an end. What’s the storyline for Yoda’s tale? Where is the book headed to? Does the book have a point? Why have I chosen to write in short chapters? Do the chapters have any link with each other?
Like Seinfeld, this is a story about nothing. There is no point. There is no arc. It’s written in short chapters, because our life with Yoda is all about fabulous vignettes. Things happen. Thoughts occur. We respond. Sometimes we remember. The rest of the time, we eat, sleep, and try to find the most creative ways to fill our waking hours.
Perhaps the only writing skill I have from my days spent in advertising is short paragraphs and 30 second commercials. When you write for short attention spans, and every consumer seems to have ADD, you’ve got to hit it and get it. Thank God I left the profession before the days of TIVO.
I think that this book will create a whole new genre. Toilet reading. One chapter at a time. No need to remember what you read yesterday, no plot lines or character to carry forward. Nothing to tax the intellect, or aggravate the constitution. Pablum on paper. A sort of Ur-Metamucil, if you will. I had always hoped to make a contribution, but had no idea that this is how it would happen.
Where is this story headed? Tomorrow, that’s where. Every day brings new opportunities for another Yoda story. Someone says something. A headline grabs our attention. Memory is jogged. And we both go Aha. Another chapter.
I think Yoda suspects that something is going on. He has taken to giving me more than my share of affectionate licks. Not too many, no need to get me blasé. Just enough to whet the appetite, and have me asking for more. What a tease. Mina gets a little snippy, and loudly mutters ‘ Just because he’s writing a book about you…’. We are a very competitive family.
My father was a great believer in ‘writing one page a day’. For me, not him. I was tyrannized into writing every single day, till I escaped to boarding school at the age of ten. I began writing this book four weeks after he died last year, so maybe this is the Karmic link. One day, I’ll pay someone a lot of money to figure this out, but not now. First, I have to sell this book.
This book has already given me a major frisson. Every ever so polite rejection letter I have got so far – all of them modeled on the George Costanza ‘ Its not you, its me’ line – address me as Dear Author. I’ve been called many things in my life, but not that.
I’m told that publishers love books that have sequels. The gift that keeps on giving, like Yoda. Fear not, I cant promise 7 books, but there’s more to the Yoda story than this one.
Yoda is now over 14 years old and all the books say that he has more good years left in him. As parents, we pray that we will not outlive our children. As parents of Yoda, we know that we will outlive him, one day. There are no happy endings with pets, but there is a great life to be lived.
Every day at about four in the morning, Yoda wakes up from his place at our feet and makes his way to our pillows. He sticks his furry face next to Mina’s and his rear end near mine. His breath is hot and heavy, there are times when Mina has thought it was me.
A few hours later, when I wake up, he gives me the ole beady eyed look and writ large on his face is the thought ‘Youvegottabekidding’. He’s got it right, he always does. Why wake up when you can be asleep? Not exactly the attitude of the motivated super achiever. But Yoda knows that he can look in the mirror and say ‘ Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better’, and guess what, he’s right.
And so, Toujours gai my friend, Toujours gai. There’s many a dance left in us, and many a romp through life to be had. And we will sing the song that says it all – Zippadee Yodaa, Zippadee Yay……my oh my what a wonderful day.
The End
Apr 07, 2009 | | Book
Every year at the ASEAN meeting , the Mandarins from each country are supposed to put on a little show. Everyone looks to the US to lead the way. Madeleine Albright sang ‘ Don’t cry for me Aseanies’ . I believe it sounded like she was saying wienies, but no one took offense. Condi did her high minded bit on the piano. And the team from India led by Chidambaram sang a version of a Hindi-pop song. The refrain went ‘ Made in Indiya, Made in Indiya’.
But not everything is. We were coming down in the elevator in Bombay, and observing the usual etiquette. No eye contact. Intent contemplation of the flashing lights as the floors went by. On the 9th floor, a tall bearded gent got in. Truth be told, he was a little scruffy looking. I was tempted to refer to him, sotto voce of course as a ‘poor man’s Castro’. Mercifully, I did not.
He kept looking at Yoda , and he was not sending any love. ‘ What breed is he?’. ‘ Shih Tzu’. ‘ I knew he must be a foreign breed’. ‘ He’s from China. A cousin of the Lhasa Apso who is from Tibet’. And then he launched into his tirade.‘ We have no Indian dogs. All dogs in India are imported. The only truly Indian dogs are the pariah dogs on the streets’. By this time, we were at the Lobby level, and he gave us a fierce glare, and stomped off.
Could this be true? We ran through the names of breeds we had seen in India – Dachshund, Dalmatian, Golden retriever, Collie, Alsatian, Pug, Bulldog, Rottweiler, Labrador….and not a native Indian breed in sight.
How could this be? If a dog was part of the Mahabharata, then how come there was no truly Indian dog? Mina who knows everything( and goes by the initials IHE for In House Expert) produced this factoid. The dingo was native to India, but the entire breed migrated to Australia either during the great Continental drift, or on fishing boats from South East Asia. They were the original settlers, long before the Aborigines, or convicts. India should lay claim to some part of Australia on this basis. This is how the great colonial empires were built, weren’t they?
We have the peacock, we have the water buffalo, we have the Bengal tiger, we have the elephant, we have birds, bees and beasts coming out of our wazoo. But, no dog. Well, there is one breed called the Rampur Hound, but according to the internet ‘ they have fallen into oblivion’. Yesterday’s news. If no one knows you, you don’t exist.
Dogs are perfect for word association tests. Britain, Bulldog. German, Shepherd. French, Poodle. Even Karl Rove could not have done better. Swiss, St Barnard. Japanese, Akita. Dalmatian, Fire Truck. Dachshund, Sabrett’s. American. Paris Hilton. Mexican, Chihuahua. Dogs sum up the national identity and ethos in a very neat shorthand. I challenge you to find another species of animal, bird or fish that can do this trick. Dogs rule, I told you.
Its obvious that India needs a national dog. So what if it is not native to our land? We are the experts at finding something we like, and making it our own. Plagiarism has never bothered us. Sorry Kaavya.
We turned Hollywood into Bollywood. Pharma majors, begat the Indian generics. I just read about the latest fashion statement in Madras – the celphone sari. A smart little pouch, hanging off the waist, perfectly placed so it will always be aligned, no matter how you wear the saree. So what if ringtones emanate from our midriffs? So what if our women get a buzz when the phone is on vibrate mode? Could Karl Lagerfeld have done better?
I propose that we adopt the Shih Tzu as our national dog. Sure, China might get pissed off. But they still have the Pekinese, so they’ll be fine. And remember, they took over Buddha and parts of our north east borders. I guess we are quits.
Why a Shih Tzu? If the heart were to rule the choice, there would be no debate. But the mind must also be appeased with reasons. So, here are three.
We need a pooch who is exclusive. It would not do to pick a garden variety dog.
We need a pooch who is pretty . We gave the world Aishwarya Rai and the Taj Mahal. We need to maintain the tradition. We need a pooch who is small. Apartments in the new India are becoming tinier by the day.
I rest my case. The only piece of the puzzle left is – what will Yoda make of all this? Will he agree to being poochum inter pares?
I think that like all Global Indians, he will have only one question. What are the royalties?
Apr 07, 2009 | | Book
