Three Black Spots

Nirvana with a Cold Nose

The Monks of New Skete look like designer beings. The kind Bono had in mind when he said that he could never be called a man of the cloth, unless it was leather. The styling that Sean Connery had in Rising Sun, all decked out in Armani. Look at their book jacket and see these dudes, captured against a sea of green. Monk’s robes in earth colors, fabric that drapes like a dream, a well composed picture with character and movement. The height of cool. Totally befitting people who have sold millions of copies of their books on dog training.

We saw an ad for Little Lotus Hearts in a dog magazine, and were entranced with the idea. A Buddhist monastery in upstate New York – an opportunity to get Yoda blessed by a monk, a little driving adventure for us – what more could we ask for? For some reason, we were convinced that the monks of New Skete were either part of or next door to the monastery. We called, spoke to Ani Kunga who is a wonderfully benign nun with the most soothing voice I have heard in a long time, and got directions to feed into our GPS.

The directions were easy enough – Walden is the the next exit after Harriman, our favouritest place of them all – home to Woodbury Commons – the premium outlet mall that now attracts global tourists by the bus load. So, our pursuit for Buddhist bliss had the frisson of being next door to a source of guaranteed bliss – big time retail therapy at a discount.

We got there shortly after prayers had begun. The Lama Gyaltsen has the most wonderful sonorous voice, and he led the prayers with great energy and gusto. The chanting was in Tibetan and Chinese, with an English translation declaimed by a young Tibetan novitiate with a very East Coast accent.

We settled down at the back, the helpers saw us struggle with the Lotus position and got us chairs to sit on ( bless their souls forever). Every time the gongs were struck, Yoda poked his head out of his bag, causing a few of the worshippers to smile.

In Hindu pujas, the food that is to be served is offered to the Gods as ‘Neyveidya’, before it is given to the celebrants. We have been used to the Neyveidya being brought out on a silver or stainless steel platter, delicious goodies that have been cooked in pure ghee, a feast for the taste buds and catastrophe for cholesterol. The young assistant brought out Neyveidya Upstate New York style - a couple of bottles of Schweppes Ginger Ale, Tropicana Orange Juice, a basket heaped with fruit, and a huge big gift box of biscotti and Ferrero Rocher chocolate.

We wont deny it – we are very shallow people. It was obvious that we would have to make an excuse if we were invited to stay for lunch. Just one exit away was Applebee’s with ribs gleaming in their special sauce. No contest.

When the prayers were over, the Lama came over and spoke to us with great warmth and kindness. We showed him Yoda and requested a blessing. He picked him up and cuddled him in his arms, chanted a beautiful verse in Tibetan, patted him lovingly and gave him back to us.

We saw the plans for the new monastery and looked at the foundations that had already been laid. It will be a beautiful structure, set in serene surroundings and we made our small contribution to the building fund.

We were graciously invited to lunch, Mina looked at the lama and said that we were fasting that day. He twinkled back at us, fully aware that he we had ribs on our mind, and the white lie passed into the ether.

As we drove out, we had one question – where were the monks of Skete? Where were the dogs being trained? Had we totally screwed the pooch? Thank God that we had not dragooned any of our friends with the promise of a thrilling canine experience.

One look at the Little Lotus Hearts website again and all was clear. The monks were on a linked site, and New Skete was miles away from Walden. They had nothing to do with the monastery, except in their philosophy of being. And what a philosophy. The question ‘ what does it mean to be man’ led the to ‘what does it mean to be dog’. A way of life, a thriving dog breeding business, three best selling books – nirvana with a cold nose.

Over a crisp glass of Pinot Grigio and a bountiful platter or ribs we made a resolution. On our next trip to the US we would take Yoda to new Skete. Maybe they have T shirts with monks in hooded profile. Maybe I could buy a cassock and stride down the streets of Manhattan looking very cool, and just a little menacing.