Size does matter
Tee hee, khee khee khee … you could hear the sniggers all the way across the hotel lobby, as Paolo trudged back with me to our room. We were in Marbella and scored a baby sitter for Yoda. Paolo from the bell desk staff had volunteered, or perhaps he was asked to. His colleagues did not think much of the assignment, and he was being given a bit of the old treatment. If he had been in an English pub, he might even have ended up being called a poofter, though I am sure he had the Spanish equivalent flung in his direction.Not that it fazed him. Ten euros an hour has its own siren-like quality, and Paolo liked dogs. He was a strapping young fellow with a great attitude and not too much English. He passed our Yoda test – when we got back, Yoda did not want to let him go.
So, what is it about dog sitting that brings out this reaction in people? Obviously it’s not as manly as being an astronaut, or climbing Mount Everest, but surely it beats schlepping suitcases to people’s rooms. All you have to do is sit in the hotel room, watch TV, order (sparingly)from Room Service, and radiate kind thoughts towards the dog. Surely there is a very macho thrill in paid well to do nothing.
Is it because Yoda is a small dog? Would there be something far more macho about tending to a bull dog, or a fierce Rottweiler? Does a furry being under ten pounds not qualify for too much respect?
This is not just a bias in the canine race. There is a bias against short humans too. The conventional wisdom seems to be that short people don’t command as much respect as tall ones. Yeah, yeah, I’ve also heard the Napoleon example, but one Frenchman does not an argument make.
Height is always something we fudge up. I’ll never forget the early days of our courtship when Mina bounced up to me with great excitement, and proclaimed that she was now 5 feet 3 inches. I thought that all her growth spurts were behind her, but you don’t argue with the love of your life – not on something as important as a quarter inch of height. I have also agreed to ban the word short from my vocabulary – it’s always people of diminutive stature.
I pondered over Yoda’s smallness all the way on our trip in Spain, and as we hit New York – Wham! It was all over the news. All dogs are identical. Fifi the high strung beauty that peeks out of designer handbags is the same as the 200 pound behemoth that can be seen from outer space. Not exactly, but almost. It’s just one little teeny weeny bit of DNA which suppresses a growth gene – and that makes all the difference. Or so the scientists say.
It’s not just an accident of canine biology. Humans seem to have stumbled on this gene over 10,000 years ago, while breeding small dogs. Why breed a dog to be small? This was way before Paris Hilton, designer handbags, and furry arm candy. Because the little tykes are useful. What kinds of uses? Mark Derr the author listed them – they have turned mills and spits in their time, pursued game into teir den, destroyed rats by the bucketful, done triple duty as foot warmers, and stood guard over home and hearth while the big dogs patrolled the yard.
Whew! I knew it all along, but there’s nothing like a bit of science, a reference to the “Insulin like growth faction 1″ gene to add heft to intuition. Small dogs are small, because they are meant to be. Small is not just beautiful, it is useful.
Is this understanding going to make Paolo feel any better, any more macho? Will he feel more mano, now that he knows that Yoda could have been 200 pounds if we wanted him that way – it is we who have chosen his weight class, and for very good reason too. I don’t think so. Paolo will still have to run the gauntlet of sneers and snickers, still listen to the not so muted taunts about his manhood as he goes off to do his Yoda duty. We are all size bigots, racists of the ruler, and bigger is always better. If you don’t believe me, just look at the size of portions of French fries.
I could try flinging a few clichés into the mix, to see if that will influence the argument. It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of fight in the dog. Don’t judge a book by its cover, and a dog by its size. David and Goliath. But I know that it’s no use.
Size does matter. Ask any man lined up in the stalls of a public toilet.
Aug 19, 2009 | | Book
